Monday, February 23, 2009
CM was still encouraging me to date other people. I met this guy, TP on an online dating site. For our first date, he invited me to his house. His house was in a subdivision where all the homes had hangers for airplanes and they all shared a runway. I was impressed. I was especially impressed when he told me he sometimes flew to work instead of driving the 40 or 50 miles. He worked as a test pilot for a company that made custom aircraft. He wasn't rich, but he seemed to have his life in order. He paid cash for his daughter to go to flight school to be a commercial pilot. He told me that her favorite way to fly was up-side-down. No way would I ever let someone do that with me in a plane. I had only flown maybe twice in my life. We seemed to get along pretty good. I liked him, but I knew that he wasn't long-term material for me. One interesting thing I learned about him while we were out exploring places was that he was afraid of heights. I couldn't believe it. We were walking across a dam and he was near the edge that was a couple hundred feet to the river. He asked if I would trade sides with him. He told me he was was afraid of heights. That just cracked me up. I asked, "How can you be afraid of heights?" "You are a pilot"! His comment, "Well, I'm not going to fall out of the plane."
Thursday, February 19, 2009
CM was still calling me daily. I was feeling really down about my self and he let me cry to him over the phone. He was really nice and would listen and tell me things that made me feel better. FB had disappointed me and I was through with him. I can't remember if CM asked me to come over or if I begged to see him. It was always one way or the other. But I saw him. He was there to make me feel better about the situation. I was sad and lonely. Yes of course he got some sex out of the deal. He gave me comfort, I gave him sex.
I wish I would have read either John Gray or Christian Carter before I started dating. It would have helped me so much. I did so many stupid things. I had a number of guys run as fast as they could from me. I couldn't figure out what was wrong? I thought I was attractive, not too fat, I had a good job, kids that were almost grown. I know now that my clingy ways were a major turn-off for guys. I didn't know...I was just lonely. I only wanted a long-term monogamous sex partner. Why were so many guys scared by that? I think they read me wrong. Oh well, their loss. Here is a clingy mistake I did with FB. I slept with him on Wednesday, I figured the meant of course I would see him either Friday or Saturday. But no...Saturday night rolls along and I'm calling him, asking ,"hey, why haven't I heard from you?" "Aren't we going to see each other this weekend?" He says, "way...hold on. It has only been three days." Yes...that kind of thing scares off a guy. How was I supposed to know that? The next week he was IM'ing me all these sex comments and telling me what he wanted to do with me, etc. I realized, wow the guy just wants me for sex. My self-esteem fell a little more. But what was wrong with me? Isn't that all I wanted too? I didn't really know. I was confused.
CM was still in my life calling me several times a day. He of course wanted to hear all the details of what was going on between FB and myself. I always tried not to, but he kept pressuring me and so I would tell him everything. I kinda liked CM calling me and giving me attention. I was getting divorced and I felt very alone in the world. CM made me feel better. I couldn't figure out why CM kept calling me so much, but didn't ever want to date or see me?
To this day...it still confuses me.
To this day...it still confuses me.
FB, as I wrote before was a local semi-celeb. I figured he would be an upstanding, model of a person. What I soon realized was that he was a real pervert. One night he called me for a "booty call". I really didn't understand what a "booty call" was back then. It was around 10pm on a Wednesday night. He wanted me to come to his place to see him. I of course say, sure no problem. I drive to his place. His place happened to be an office in a warehouse. The company he worked for had this warehouse and he took his office there and made it into a tiny studio apartment. The room probably was about 10 x12. He had a bed that he had made into a bunk above a futon. He had a TV and shared a public restroom. He had no shower or tub. He told me he had to shower at the Gym. He was trying to pay off some bills and save money by living there. I was surprised by it all. But he was nice and I was a hot blooded divorcee. Anyway, like I said before it was a booty call. I thought it meant he really liked me...yeah, liked parts of me...hehehe. So we got it on in his bunk and I spent the night with him. I would like to mention...his "manhood" was the smallest one I ever saw. He seemed to know what to do with it though.
I decided I am now going to refer to Crazy Man as just CM. CM phoned me the next day. He wanted to know if I did anything with FB. I tried to lie, and avoid the truth but, he got it out of me. I'm not good at lying. So I told him about the BJ, but I used a condom. He had never heard about using one of those for that, but I told him FB liked it. He of course says, "yeah, I bet he did."I guess if I was smart and realized that I would soon fall head over heels in love with CM, I wouldn't have continued to date other people. CM keep telling me that he didn't want a relationship with me or anyone. So, I believed him and kept on dating. CM lived so far away, I didn't see him a lot in the beginning, but he called me several times daily. I was flattered with the attention. I didn't realize at the time that that was excessive. Maybe it was because I too was a little crazy at that time. But I continued to keep dating with CM encouraging me to do so.
Monday, February 16, 2009
While my crazy man and I were in the kitchen, I mentioned that I had a date with someone that night. I told him that I could break it if he wanted me to. He said, oh no, you better go. He probably is really looking forward to going out with you. You should go. So I said, ok. He then adds just don't have sex with him. I of course, say oh no. This new guy,FB, I met online also, he was a local semi-celeb, so I was excited to meet him. I had seen him in pictures and on TV, but never in person. We met at a really nice restaurant. He was nice and cute. I was sorta smitten. We had a nice dinner and good conversation. After we were done eating, we both seemed to want to spend more time together so FB suggested that we go look around at this store at the other side of the parking lot, just to walk around. He wanted to buy me a shirt. Not just any shirt. A T-shirt that was way too small and lime green!. He suggested that I try it on. I come out of the fitting room, it was embarrassingly too small. FB thought it looked perfect on me and said he was buying it for me. OK if you want to. Then we went to his car. He wanted me to put the shirt on. I'm like, ok. Hey I'm game. It was dark outside so no one could see in, I put the shirt on. Next thing you know things are getting pretty hot and heavy. We didn't have sex as Bill Clinton would say, but I did pull a Monica Lewinsky. I figured that I could do what ever I wanted as long as I was safe. I wasn't exactly looking for a relationship. I just wanted some fun.